College Woes

I will achieve great things. That is one thing I keep on telling myself whenever I fail. You may be small, but you are meant for great things, Pat. You are. Wait and see. I reassure myself every once in a while to remind myself that I am born in this world for a reason and just because I don't win doesn't mean I'm a failure. I'm not. I cannot be. Sometimes people trip over rocks, get themselves bruises, but get up after because that's life - you get down and you stand up.

I woke up from a five-hour nap to a message from one of my classmates saying that his parents are disappointed because he did not pass UP. I went like shit, the results are already out? And so I immediately opened my laptop and voila, UPCAT results are indeed already out. (Apparently it was out at around 6 PM. I found out at about 8 PM how late could I get.)

I called Carol immediately. And then when she answered, her voice was shaky. She was really sad and she broke the news to me - Pat, I did not see your name. I was actually laughing when I heard that. Literally. It felt okay to me, like, fine I did not pass UP so fucking what. But then when I got to saw all the Pinedas and none of them was a Patricia, it broke my heart. I felt like I was a disappointment and every time I see someone post "I passed UP", I can't help but be jealous and feel bitter. Am I that stupid not to pass?

But eventually I realized, maybe I am not meant for UP after all. I just had this recent "calling" of some sort that I want to take Applied Economics. I never knew I would enjoy Economics, I have never even thought of taking a Business course except now. But then I like it. And even if I pass UP I no longer like the course I had put there. I will have to take a reconsideration exam in La Salle and UST. Maybe, after all, either of the two is where I am meant to be. Although I like La Salle better. But I still have to think about it.

I am still sad and it frustrates me whenever I think about it but I'll be fine. And to all those who did not pass, we'll all be fine. After all, it is still up to a person whether or not he or she will be successful. Success is not defined in the university you're going to - it's all in one's patience and determination and attitude.

Hats off to the amazing UPCAT passers, but if you're like me whose UP dreams had shattered, God has better plans for us. We just have to wait and see. We are meant for greater things.