Hush

She closed her eyes,
counting up ten.
Inhaling, exhaling.
She tightened her grasp in his.
She opened her mouth,
searching for words,
but none came.
There was silence.
Her grasp loosened.
Her breathing stopped.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.

Is there?

Is there really something for her out there?

Across the oceans, somewhere far away?

Will she find happiness one day?

Despite everything that comes her way?

How long does she have to wait?

How long does she have to pray,

to hope,

to wish,

to believe?

Is there really something for her out there?

Or is she just thinking wishfully? 

A Million Beautiful Things

There was something beautiful in the way he smiled,

the way his lips curved,

raising only one side.

There was something beautiful in the way he talked,

his voice deep,

speaking as he is singing.

There was something beautiful in the way he looked,

the blue of his eyes,

the way they lit.

There was something beautiful in the way he flipped his hair,

his ever so obsidian hair, 

following the wind.

There was something beautiful in the way he moved,

seemingly strong,

but graceful.

He is a million little beautiful things.

He is beautiful the way the sky is beautiful - 

the moon, the stars, the clouds -

all adding to the beauty.

He is a million beautiful things at once.

Poems and Haikus and Beautifully-Strung Words

I used to not like poetry. I have never felt myself so compelled by it, so attracted by it. It was always a challenge for me to like it or to understand it and at times, to simply read it. But lately, after making yet another tumblr account I was supposed to dedicate purely for writing, I came across bloggers who wrote poetry as beautiful as sunset. These few words strung together are not at all grand and may not have as depth as most people expect all poems to have. But these beautifully-strung words made me change my perspective and made me want to know how to create poems that are short but beautiful. 

I have tried to write short poems several times, and I found myself capable of conjuring haikus that, well, don't normally make sense. But I find myself smiling whenever I am able to squeeze words into the 5-7-5 normal haiku pattern. This isn't much, I know, but this is improvement!!!

These are some of the the "poems" I wrote. Don't expect much, these aren't all pretty and heartwarming but I am trying. I am trying. 

   

i wish feelings were shoes
so you can change every day,
every hour, every minute
without having to worry
about blisters

He touched my hand

and placed it above his chest.

This is yours, he said.

I appreciate

every little thing you do.

My heart is happy.

Just glance at me once,

and all of my world will shake,

leaving me breathless.

It was twelve o’clock

she was dreaming peacefully

until she woke up.

I’m trying, she said.

Then try harder, he said.

She broke down to tears.

As the sky turns black

the city bathes in moonlight

searching for refuge.

Rain is a good thing.

It is both loud and silent,

as are my feelings.

The leaves were falling

at the same time as her tears.

Together they mourn.

No matter how big

the world we’re living in,

there’s someone out there.

I watched him sleeping

and I can’t help but wonder

why am I so blessed.

I’m okay, I said.

He put his arm around me,

knowing that I’m not.

He lay there alone

surrounded by the quiet

waiting for his death.

She looked at the sun

blinding herself with the light

until she can’t see.

The sun is shining

over a beautiful town

on a sad morning.

Miles and miles away

a girl sat by a window

lis’ning to the rain.

By far, these are all I have. I'll post more, soon. I'm really a frustrated writer/poet and I can't help but feel jealous of all the people whose writing abilities are innate and inborn. But with enough practice, and with time and hope and prayers and tears, maybe one day, I'll be the kind of writer I wish myself to be. 

First Term's First Half!!!

I cannot believe that next week, my first term in college is at its midpoint. I've been in college for six weeks, and so far it has been nothing but fun. I've met a lot of people, made new friends, tried foods I haven't eaten before. I can barely feel time passing by. I only have four days of school, Monday to Thursday, and I don't even feel like I'm going to school at all, do you get what I mean? There are times I am stressed because of school works and all that shiz but everything just feels like breeze right now. The week is already over and I barely notice it, and I guess that's a good thing - primarily because I don't dread school as much as I did before, and because that simply means I am having fun.

I've always meant to blog about everything that's going on in my life but laziness always gets ahead of me. That sucks, you know, because I've always wanted to have an active blog but being the lazy ass that I am, that might be a little hard, though I will try my best to write and blog more because I really want to.

My six weeks in college in bullets:

• I'm no longer late!! Back in high school I used to have flag ceremonies in front of the Bordner building among with the other late comers, but right now, probably because in college every minute counts, I'm no longer late!! I always come to class either on time or minutes before the clock strikes eight!!
• I have eight subjects for this term, and by far they have been bearable. I'm enjoying NTROPSY (Introduction to Psychology) because our teacher knows just how to keep us interested (not to mention she makes me quite think about my decision on not pursuing Psychology....). LBYECON (Computer Package for Economic Majors) is a bit stressful but I'm loving the challenge because I've always enjoyed codes back in high school especially Java and Turbo C++ and I'm starting to like LaTeX. ENGLCOM (Basic Communication and Study Skills) is really fun, maybe because it's English and I'm enjoying it, and I'm loving both RVLC (reading something something I forgot hehe) and WC (Writing Component). ALGECON (College Algebra for Economic Majors) is bearable enough but since it's Math, it's quite a struggle hehe I've never been good in Math but I get by, I get by. POLISCI (Introduction to Political Science) is one interesting subject and our professor knows a lot in the field because he has worked in the field and I'm loving all the interesting things I'm learning in this subject!! SCIMATB (Introduction to Biotechnology - Lecture) is okay because I have a background on Biotech already. LBYMATB (Intro to Biotech - Lab) is fun because it's so light and we just do experiments!! FITWELL (Physical Fitness and Wellness) is fun because we just dance~~~
• FAVORITE SUBJECT? LUNCH. Ha! I look forward to 11:10-1:00 PM the most because, well, it's food! My friends and I have been going around Taft to try new places and maaaaan eating has never been this good. (Magastos nga lang hehe but still, FOOD!!!)
• I'm currently joined in four organizations - EconOrg, BMS, Tapat and Malate. I never thought I'd get accepted in Malate because I think I failed the test because  I had no schema and my mind was disarrayed at that time but I GOT ACCEPTED AND I AM SO HAPPY. I really, really, really want to make a writer out of myself. (No, not better writer. A writer because I ain't even one.)
• I've been lounging in the library a lot because (1) BOOKS (2) COMPUTERS (3) BEANBAGS (4) AIRCON. It's my favorite place!!!
• I AM WATCHING BASKETBALL NOW. It's hard to have a basketball fan as company everyday because there's no way you won't get the vibes that she has. Also, because I find one Green Archer really cute and my heart okay <3 <3 <3 

So far, so good! I'm really enjoying college right now and I hope this continues in the future. :)

What happens next?

I want to ask but I don't want to find out,
I am lost but I don't want to be found.
What happens next? 
When everything's just a mess?

I stare at the ceiling, enjoying the quiet.
My thoughts are a disarray in my head.
I hug my pillow, I close my eyes.
Tonight is the night I say goodbye.

How could it have gotten like this?
Then it was joy, now it's just tears.
I wish to hear the sound of your voice,
But I couldn't hear through the noise.

I still remember the look in your face,
the smile in your lips,
the way your eyes lit.
When will it be that way again?

I want it all back but it's gone.
What's done is done.
What happens next?
When everything's just a mess?

The sun was almost setting, spreading its rays over the small town, coloring the sky in different streaks of red, orange and blue. Blake sat by the river, silently paddling her feet, enjoying the quiet, looking over the water that lay before her. Even the wind seemed to understand the sanctity of the moment - it whispered, the trees bowing before him, Blake's hair following the breeze. It was majestic.

Edmund suddenly came. He sat beside Blake and held her hand, which made Blake feel tingly sensations all over. No amount of time could stop Blake from feeling the butterflies in her stomach every time Edmund holds her hand or smiles at her or kisses her on the forehead or hugs her tightly. Every little thing - even the littlest contact - could make Blake shiver and feel wobbly. 

Edmund was beautiful. Not the stereotypical kind of beautiful. His was an ephemeral kind, the kind that makes you doubt if you're still on Earth. With his snow-white hair and obsidian eyes and a smile that takes you off guard, Edmund McHalley is an angel in disguise. And, Blake thought, she was so lucky that Edmund was her angel.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?," Edmund whispered.

"I know, I'm beautiful. I have known that for a long time now." Blake responds with a smile, turning her head to face Edmund and be once again taken aback by how beautiful he is.

"Oh, you are, aren't you?" Edmund smiles back, his lips going up one side, his eyes lighting up. "But I was referring to the sunset. Sorry to disappoint."

Blake laughed as the wind swept her brunette locks back. She, too, was beautiful,  but not the noticeable kind. Her eyes are a deep shade of emerald green and her hair, though curly, falls down perfectly on her shoulders. "Oh you were, weren't you?" Blake says, winking.

"Yes. But for the record, yes, Blake, you're beautiful too." Edmund looks at Blake, his eyes on hers, and they stay like that for a while, looking at each other, seemingly memorizing each other's face. Everything is quiet and calm save the beat of their hearts, silently screaming each other's names. Edmund leans in and plants a kiss on Blake's forehead. Suddenly, Blake felt like a jelly. There they are again, the butterflies never leaving her stomach. Edmund has that effect on her, after all this time, and probably until forever.

They look over the water and stare as the sun tints the sky in dark shades of yellow and orange, descending slowly over the horizon, leaving only the moon and the stars to give light in the darkness of the city. They stay there, hands clasped tightly together, Blake's head on Edmund's shoulder. 

"I love you," Edmund says quietly, almost a whisper. Blake kisses his hand, letting her lips linger on his skin, and whispers back, "I love you too, Edmund."