While I was ransacking my
cabinet trying to clean it and throw some useless papers that had been stored
there for several months, I found a notebook. I have always been the kind of
person who tends to write anywhere, at the most random of places. It delights
me whenever I come across scratch papers with a one paragraph essay written on
it saying that I deserve a sundae for a night’s worth of studying. This
notebook I found was a small one, violet in color and of the brand Cattleya. I
read through it and I cannot help but smile because it turns out to be a
universal notebook. It has Mandarin notes written in front, and random doodles
at the back. What intrigued me most, though, is what is written in the middle
of the notebook.
“Happy Birthday
Mae!”, the title read. I cannot even remember writing such thing to myself,
so I continued reading. “You just turned
fifteen! I am so happy for you! So yes, I know that you have been through a
lot. I know that you have had your share of ups and downs but I just want you to
know that it all gets better. Things will get better. Soon. You just have to
smile and hold on to dear life. So maybe, all the things you wanted to happen
on the first few minutes of your birthday didn’t happen. But I do hope that you
are happy, even if it’s just for this day only. Even just for today, Mae, you
deserve to be happy. Happy birthday, Mae! I wish you all the best in the world
and always remember that I will always be here for you.”
I cannot help but smile. I do remember writing that
letter to myself a minute after the clock struck twelve. Every time I feel sad,
I go over that letter and tell myself that it is a reminder from the past that
whatever I am going through, I could go through. I will always have myself; the
past self that wrote that letter, the will-be past self that wrote this article,
and the many past selves that all compose who I am. I will always have myself,
and the past will always be a neon signboard that will never forget to remind
me that this too shall pass.
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