time is a bird, it flies

As of this very moment, this very very moment, it is already 12:30 AM of the third day of March 2013. Which means we only have 19 days left before the school year ends (if you count the weekends) and 14 school days (if you don't count the weekends). And I just cannot believe it. The fact that the school year is already ending cannot even sink in to me, even more the fact that I am graduating on the 21st of March. High school is ending in less than a month and in two months, I will officially be a college freshie (in which school, I still have no idea.)

How could time possibly fly this fast? There are too many things happening in my life and I wish there was a pause button for me so as to stop things for a while and appreciate what's happening. It's all too happening too fast. I don't like it.

Despite the fact that I am afraid to leave high school yet, I am quite excited for college. Excited AND nervous for college. Even though I am still undecided where to go, and even though my future is still very uncertain, it excites me and scares me in so many ways. I cannot even understand what I feel. I'm in a roller coaster that goes up and down and I don't know which emotion I prefer...

As my graduation day nears (this is me hoping that I can graduate), here are my thoughts:

• I don't want to leave high school yet. Not just yet. Had we been given the option to experience K+12 and stay a few more years for high school, I would have said yes. And I know most people would say yes. I did not even appreciate being in high school until I realized I have to graduate from it. I still want to roam the halls of MaSci, drown in sweat because of the hotness of MaSci, stay up late at night because of school works given by teachers of MaSci, and be with  my friends whom I met in MaSci. Not being MaSci is a thought I still cannot imagine. How could I? I don't want high school to end just yet.
• I'm afraid of leaving high school. The reason? My friends. The people whom I spend my four MaScian years with. After March, we have to go on our separate ways. We have to pursue our dreams. Just thinking about the fact that March 21 might be the last day I see some of my batchmates because they have to go abroad makes me sad. And even though most of my friends are staying in the country, I am still scared that they might not remember me anymore. That distance would be a hindrance for us to continue our friendships. That things would not be the same anymore. It's sad and it scares me.
• I don't know where to go after high school. Just like what I have said, I still do not know what school to go to. La Salle and UP are my choices. And yes, I did say that I did not pass the UPCAT but then I just learned that my grade still qualifies in the Diliman Campus and in other UP campuses as well. We'll have to go to UP to verify that fact, though. But even if I don't get in to UP, La Salle is fine with me. But the problem is that I just passed my reconsideration form for my transfer of degree program and they still have to look it up if my grade matches the requirement of the course and I'm praying to God that my grade does because I don't know what to do if it doesn't. :(
• College scares me. Yes, it excites me. But it scares me. I have a clean slate. Again. I have to start over and I don't know, the idea seems exciting but it scares me, okay? What if I don't fit in... What if they won't like me... SO MANY WHAT IFS.

I don't know what to say anymore. It's just that time flies so fucking fast and I don't want it to. Not just yet. Hay....